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That was me mashing the keyboard. It helps to do that sometimes. Or maybe it’s a secret cypher that I just made up. You have no idea.
Weather report: It rained in the beginning of the week. Then it was really warm. Then it wasn’t as warm. There was a lot of sun. I got that sun on my body. My body felt good with sun on it. The sun and warm made flowers and trees come out.
Exercise report: No exercise in the morning on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. See, what happened is, whenever I tried to move my body from the bed, I couldn’t. Even though just 5ish hours before, I said to body, ‘Now, listen here, body. Look, this exercise thing’s going great. We gotta keep it up. At this rate, we’ll see an ab in just 5 to 7 years. So. When we wake up an unreasonably short amount of time from now in what is a debilitating pattern of sleep deprivation, we’re going to SPRING out of bed, do some stretches, say a mantra, and skip down the stairs, ready to clock in some Sweat Time. Okay?!’
My body replied, ‘You’re probably causing a cortisol build up that’s going to – ‘
‘GREAT, see you in the morning.’
Then, a REM-infused 5 hours later, my brain mostly soup and blankets, the only part of my body that would move is the single finger it took to press the snooze button. Here I am, giving a motivational speech that Kyle Chandler WISHES he could deliver, only to be completely betrayed because blankety soup brain was more concerned with bringing closure to my dream where I was playing a pan flute in a field of skulls.
However, my speechifying worked; I walked at an unrelenting pace every day at lunch this week AND exercised Thursday and Friday morning. Coming soon, my annotated thoughts as I do my Bas Rutten routine.
Ethan report:
Ethan is sporting the cutest freckles since the warm weather came in. It’s a shame that all of us can’t develop some physical attribute every spring that makes us more attractive.
‘Hey, Jason! Your spring triceps are poppin’!’ That’s how people talk these days, right? Talking about muscle groups poppin’?
I don’t get out much.
Rose report:
Rose is showing fantastic aptitude for falling over.
Memory of the week report:
Last night, the children, nude, danced around with Sara in the paddling pool. (Sara was not nude.) After dancing a circle in the water, Sara jumped out of the pool to run to the apple tree, whose apples we shamefully do not know what to do with. But to be fair, the apple tree has to take some blame here. If it could just hold on to the apples until we’re ready to pick them, it’d be fine. The problem is, the apples drop from the tree as soon as we’re not paying attention. One day, all the apples are on the tree. By the following morning, there are a dozen apples on the ground, all of which are brown and flecked with white bumps, having been dissolved and attacked by every strain of bug and bacteria in Cheshire.
But so, the kids followed Sara out of the pool, shouting and laughing. Sara shook the branches of the tree, making apple blossom leaves rain down on the children. ‘It’s snowing!’ Sara said. (Our children knew it was not snowing.) Then back to the pool for more splashing and screaming, as the evening sun gave us its last 10 minutes before disappearing behind the houses.
Jason Warner Writes and Talks Good 